I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
