I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
