you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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