you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
