At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your cock deserves a montage
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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