Buhtt sex?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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