It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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