and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
