sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
