i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
