she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
