Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
