His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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