he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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