Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
