Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There's even glitter on my cock...
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