then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize