i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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