I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
