This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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