your parents love me but you hate me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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