Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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