i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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