I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
