I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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