i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My orgasm happened in two different decades
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize