found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
