remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
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