I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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