This is not my ceiling
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
