dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
