I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize