The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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