i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
