It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
