So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
