I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
