would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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