my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
