i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
