do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize