Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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