It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
