Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
