What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
this hospital has no fireball
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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