She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
