textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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