either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
