Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
