I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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