If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize