her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
