Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
