Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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