Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
