i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
