The best revenge is premature balding
worst night to have a conscience
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
