ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize