apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
