We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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