i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
