note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
