i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
