I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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