so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Drunk is a universal language darling
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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