I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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