when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
