Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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