I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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