did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
