So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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