I'm going to rape someone's good day.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
