My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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