and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize